247 | Stop Sabotaging Your Wealth

Hilary Hendershott: Well, hey, money lover, you’ve heard me talk about my signature framework, The 7 Steps to Wealth, before. And a big part of that framework is helping people get over some of the ways I see them sabotage their wealth. And that’s what I want to talk with you about today. On Love, your Money, we are all about pursuing and, of course, achieving that financial freedom. I use the terms retirement and financial freedom interchangeably because they’re really the same thing.

Financial freedom is when the income from your assets or business interests can replace your earned income for the rest of your life. In other words, that’s when you can stop working, or you can work only when you want to. That is freedom, and that’s the goal. Financial success isn’t mysterious, and it’s not out of reach for you unless you believe that it is. But before you get there, it’s important that you do or stop doing this one thing. You have to stop sabotaging your own wealth.

Have you heard the adage about creating space in your life for a meaningful long-term relationship when you decide you want to have one? You have to make room for that person to show up by clearing out a section of your closet, getting rid of the pictures of your exes, and having space in your calendar for dates, right? I mean, that’s what I did. And it’s the same way with money. You have the opportunity to decide that you are going to be rich, take the steps to get there, and then preserve your wealth when and as it arrives. But did your hackles go up a little bit at the word rich? Because that’s going to cause a problem. So many people have the same reaction, especially women. So, let’s not ignore it because it has a lot to do with the state of your finances, the state of your money mindset, and your financial freedom.

When I talk about helping people become rich, I hear, like I said, especially women, people say, “Hilary, rich? That’s excessive. Feels like too much. I don’t really need to be rich. That would take too much attention away from my real life. Plus, rich people are, like, bad or greedy or selfish. Being rich isn’t feminine. If I were rich, I would lose all my friends.” I have heard it all. So, let’s dig into the four-letter word that triggers people so much.

The first thing to remember is, look, words are just words until we give them power and we make them mean something. For example, the dictionary definition of the word rich is having great material wealth. So, being rich is just being surrounded with plentiful resources. And that’s not a bad thing, especially when you know that there is enough for everyone. There’s absolutely enough wealth to go around, I promise. The negative reaction people have to the word rich comes from societal narratives that have been associated with it, and I’m sure those are coming up for you as I’m talking about this. Either you believe them or you know other people do. You’ve heard them. Yes, there are rich people, just to be honest, who use the power that comes from having resources to do terrible, immoral, criminal things. We all know this.

And there are also lovely, compassionate, generous, rich people who are using their resources for good. There are also people without access to power and plentiful resources who do terrible, immoral, criminal things as well as lovely, compassionate, generous people without access to money who are constantly trying to make the world a better place. Everything exists on a spectrum, and there is no truism about people with money, except they have money.

The bottom line is that the balance of a bank account does not force its owner to behave in a way that’s contrary to their–your–morals, principles, and values. Access to money and resources gives people the opportunity to amplify their impact. How they choose to use it is really up to them. So, how you’ll choose to use it is really up to you. Everybody’s on their own journey through this lifetime and universe, including you, and everybody’s on their own money journey. My advice is to focus on you, your journey, and what you can do with the power and resources you have. Moreover, it’s really important mentally and emotionally to get out of your own way when it comes to building wealth.

So, I want to circle back to this “rich is bad” mentality, which ultimately, absolutely influences your bank account. I’ve seen it a million times. First, if you reject the idea that you do want to be rich, well, now you’re off the hook and you don’t have to do the work to get there. You don’t have to focus and expand yourself and your earning capacity and your savings ability. You don’t have to forgo today’s pleasures in order to save. You don’t have to find a high-paying career, and you don’t have to pay big tax bills.

But also, this mentality allows us to continue to demonize rich people. And why would you want to be like someone you actively demonize? Demonizing rich people is possibly the most effective way to keep money out of your life and ensure you have a dysfunctional relationship with your money for the rest of your life. I have to stop myself from typing this on social media at least twice a day, because the number of people who post about, “the pursuit of money is bad” or “wanting to be wealthy is bad” are innumerable, right? You’ve seen it. I know you have.

All right, so hear me out on this. You might consider this a hot take, but demonizing rich people is definitely in the zeitgeist. However, it’s not only false and unnecessary, it’s hurting you. It’s not hurting the millionaires or the billionaires. It’s just hurting you and the people around you, the people you could be caring for, supporting, planning trips with, sending to college, or buying a car for. I’ve done all of those things for people in my universe, the people who would be better off if you stop complaining about money and started getting interested in what it takes to dance with and even have a little romance with your money. I mean, the podcast is called Love, your Money, right?

And yes, you can absolutely be in a give-and-take relationship with your money. So, I invite you to release that thinking, like today. Now. As you listen to this podcast weekly about loving your money, you can become someone who is very much in a loving relationship with your money. The only thing these insidious little beliefs about wealthy people are accomplishing is limiting your possibilities, and probably your friendships.

And on the other side of that friendship coin, maybe you will lose a few close friends as you improve your life and achieve your goals. I get it. Insecurity is a powerful thing. Change is hard. And I know you love your people, but you will make new, empowered friends, I promise. And after all, we all know the adage about the five people you spend the most time with. Remember, this is your life. It’s your journey. It’s your choice. Remember, you get to write the script. So, don’t betray yourself by thinking that if–when–you become rich, you’re going to turn into someone you’re not fond of. You will still be you.

Look, I used to be a person who maxed out credit cards and didn’t pay my bills. I leased cars I couldn’t afford, and I bought more house than I should have. And then I didn’t have enough money to buy furniture to sit on. I spent irresponsibly and had myself on a path to repeated destruction. At that time, I was smart, I was educated, I had a big heart. I was just also doing dumb things with money because I thought rich people were lucky or special, and I wasn’t either of those things.

And this money journey I’ve been on for the past 15 to 20 years has changed me. Truth. I am a different person. I’ve aged. I’ve gotten married. I became a mother. And I’m so grateful for my own growth and expansion. It’s hard to put it into words. If I still had those old money behaviors, I’d be stuck in a cycle that did not make me happy. The financial drama I used to create was embarrassing and limiting. I needed my parents to bail me out constantly. I don’t have that anymore.

Now, I’m the one who gets to bail people out, right? I’m able to help friends and loved ones bridge the gap sometimes. I’m able to give generously without needing to be paid back if I choose to do that. I’m proud of who I am and who I’ve become in any room of people. And the big change is I’m not hiding. I’m exposed and I’m competent and I’m confident. And I’ve grappled with my own weaknesses. And I came out the other side stronger for it.

I’ve seen other people do it. And you can have that, too. If you like who you are now and you’re committed to your values, you will still like who you are when you’re rich. It’s like you + plus money. If you don’t like yourself now and you don’t live by a value system you’re proud of, being rich won’t change that. But in most cases, you’re doing the steering. So, you can either work your whole life to have no wealth, average wealth, or a lot of wealth. The choice is really yours.

But here’s what I want to say, if you’re going to be working anyway, building wealth is a very logical goal, especially if you want to influence positive change in the world. I’m going to guess that if you’re listening to this podcast, you do find yourself desiring at least more financial independence or freedom. You want to unsaddle yourself with all that financial anxiety you experience now. You want the ability to give generously to people and causes that you care about.

But maybe you’re still at odds with it being okay to have money. That is because of strongly-held beliefs that come from your past. You may have heard me talk about your Money Operating System™, and I will definitely talk more about that on this podcast in the future. But these two things come together: Strongly held beliefs inform your Money Operating System™, and they become subconscious limitations or behaviors that you repeat which create results.

The great thing is, you could reverse engineer all of this. But for now, for today, I just want you to take a deep breath and say this with me. It is safe, moral, and exciting to decide to be rich. So, today, I’m promising my future self that I will be rich.

One more time, in case you didn’t say it with me the first time. It is safe, moral, and exciting to decide to be rich. So, today, I’m promising my future self that I will be rich.