269 | The Power of a Beginner’s Mindset with Tonya Rapley

Tonya Rapley

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Have you heard the phrase “be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your method”? It’s pretty good advice.

 

Attachment and unwillingness to release the plans we’ve made or the expectations we have can be very costly, which is something that today’s guest has learned a lot about in the last few years. But thanks to healing core wounds and reprogramming her subconscious, she’s been able to work through those ego blocks and accomplish some pretty incredible things.

 

Tonya Rapley is someone who really embodies the 7 Steps to Wealth in her life. Her story is a great example of what’s possible when you break through limiting beliefs and author your own life based on what you actually want–not what you’ve inherited.

 

Tonya is a speaker, financial educator, best-selling author, and investor. She is the CEO of Her Legacy Media, Inc., and founder of My Fab Finance–a media company that helps you do things with your money that you’re proud of.

 

I invited Tonya to join me on the podcast to talk about her money journey, including her transition from working at a non-profit to running a multi-million dollar business, getting paid well while doing good in the world, and why she’s choosing to return to employment after nearly a decade of entrepreneurship.

 

The way Tonya talks about embracing a beginner’s mindset and using new experiences to heal as you age is really inspiring, and I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did! 👇

Here’s what you’ll find out in this week’s episode of Love, your Money:

  • 02:26 The story of Tonya’s transition from working at a non-profit earning $45k per year to being an entrepreneur with $45k months
  • 04:55 How Tonya’s upbringing influenced the expectations she had for herself, and what she did to break free from those limiting beliefs 
  • 08:16 How Tonya defines a “beginner’s mindset”, and how you can use the beginner’s mindset to heal as you age
  • 09:42 How Tonya found guidance as an adult, created her own board of directors, and how that mentorship led her to learning how to play (and love) golf
  • 14:26 The courage of making asks–and the power of those asks to further your career and offer support in your personal life 
  • 16:04 Tonya’s recent transition to life as a single mother, why she had to right-size her life to fit her current situation, and how her ego flared up along the way
  • 16:57 The financial lessons Tonya learned from her divorce, and the advice she has for other women who are dissolving a financial partnership
  • 20:59 What it means when people try to buy transformation versus earning it, and the tools Tonya uses to reprogram her subconscious programming and heal
  • 24:07 Tonya’s upcoming return to the workforce, and how she’s leveraging the skills she learned as an entrepreneur in her new job

Inspiring Quotes & Words to Remember

“You begin to accept things as a culture. And if you aren't exposed to people who are living their lives differently, then you don't know what's available to you.”

“[In] the non-profit space, it seems like self-sacrifice is the currency, right? People talk about how much they work, how much they give up, and it’s a completely different mindset to go from that to thinking, how am I going to fill my own coffers at the same time as making the world a better place?”

“It was very rare that I saw examples of people who weren’t martyrs to their own life experiences and who were owning their life experiences instead of letting life happen to them.”

“I started to demonstrate to my parents what was possible when you believe in yourself, and I would start to demonstrate to others around me, this is what happens when you believe in yourself and go for it.”

“I look at the beginner’s mindset as just like, humility and understanding that everyone has to start somewhere–especially as someone who does not like to not be good at what they do.”

“Everyone starts somewhere, but I think it's important to remind yourself with every level of success that the beginner's mindset is not something that you escape or the need to have that escapes because you've reached a certain amount of success–because we're always going to be doing new things.”

“Don’t allow being a beginner or the fear of being a beginner prevent you from starting. Because if you don’t start, then you’ll never become good.”

“I need a woman [as a mentor] who understands what it is to make moves as a mother and still go after everything she wants.”

“It’s been a beautiful thing because, especially as entrepreneurs, we do so much alone–and as high-achieving individuals there’s so much that we do alone that we always have to be seeking people who are those steps above us to give us feedback, give us insight, and really champion us.”

“If you’re a self starter, you don’t need people to give you the road map. You just might need a conversation and touch points along the way.”

“Everything comes back to you eventually and if you did it once, you can do it again. So be willing to release and downsize so that you can be as financially comfortable as possible.”

“There is a difference between paying for something and being in a space, and actually being intentional about embodying and checking in with yourself.”

“I don’t think I ever would have arrived at understanding how my subconscious is really driving the engine without being curious.”

“There are so many ways to accomplish your goals, and you deserve to give your nervous system a break.”

Resources and Related to Love, your Money Content

Enjoy the Show?​

Hilary Hendershott: Well hello Money Lover, and welcome to another episode of the Love, your Money® podcast! I am excited to introduce to you to today’s guest because she really embodies the 7 Steps to Wealth in her life, and her story is a really great example of what’s possible when you break through limiting beliefs and author your own story.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Tonya Rapley is a speaker, financial educator, best-selling author, and investor. She is the CEO of Her Legacy Media, Inc., and she’s founder of My Fab Finance–a media company that helps you do things with your money that you’re proud of–and she’s the co-executive producer and co-host of the award-winning series Going From Broke.

 

Hilary Hendershott: I invited Tonya to join me on the podcast to talk about lots of things – her money journey, including her transition from working at a non-profit to running a multi-million dollar business. We talked about getting paid well while doing good in the world, and what she’s doing with the time and financial freedom she’s created in her life.

 

Hilary Hendershott: The way Tonya talks about embracing a beginner’s mindset and using new experiences to heal as you age is really inspiring. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Tonya Rapley. Welcome to Love, your Money®.

 

Tonya Rapley: Thank you! I’m excited to be here.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Yeah, I’m excited to talk with you. Just to start us off, here’s a quote I’ve seen a couple times in things that you write: “Ten years ago, I was making $45,000 at a nonprofit, and a woman told me you can get paid well and do good in the world”, and how that statement shifted how you thought about yourself and money and earning money and everything. And now you say you’ve had $45,000 months, which is awesome. Would you talk a little bit about that evolution and shift in thinking?

 

Tonya Rapley: Yeah, I think you know, as someone who is a career change agent–my undergrad degree is public administration, my master’s degree is urban policy and affairs–I’ve always wanted to enact change in communities. But a lot of what we see is, people who are revolutionary or, create legacies of change, but they die in poverty.

 

Tonya Rapley: You know, people who are overworking in nonprofit organizations, which I was doing, but are being compensated like $45,000 a year. And we’re not even gonna talk about when I started that job, I was making $13,000 a year, living in New York.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Oh, my!

 

Tonya Rapley: Crazy. It’s like, wow, now, that’s like, literally, probably my overhead. But it was eye opening for me because you begin to accept things as a culture. And if you aren’t exposed to people who are living their lives differently, then you don’t know what’s available to you. And so I think that there is a period in my mid twenties, maybe like I would say upper twenties, like around 26 to 28, where it wasn’t a depression, but I was really disappointed at the direction my life was heading.

 

Tonya Rapley: I went to college. I expected more for myself, and I don’t even see how that’s going to happen based on this current trajectory. And I was at that conference, and the woman said that. And I was like, okay, there’s a different way to accomplish the goal.

 

Tonya Rapley: The goal is to create impact in the world. But instead of looking at the people who are working at the organizations you’ve been working at, or the people who work for organizations you work with, let’s look at the people who are actually making a good amount of money doing good in the world. And like, let’s use that as an example. And so that’s what I began to do.

 

Tonya Rapley: I always tell myself, prove to yourself that it’s possible. So I started looking for all the ways that it was possible, started learning about B. Corps, started learning about profitable nonprofits, nonprofits that do good in the world but still make good money while we do this. And then in social change entrepreneurs, I started looking at that, and that’s how I started My Fab Finance.

 

Hilary Hendershott: It really is a different mindset. I know what you mean about the nonprofit space, and it seems like self sacrifice is the currency, right? People talk about how much they work, how much they give up. And it’s like a completely different mindset, to go from that to thinking, how am I going to fill my own coffers at the same time as making the world a better place? One of the things you talk about a lot is how you feel like you used to have a martyr mindset. Where do you think that came from, and what was it like to get out of that?

 

Tonya Rapley: I think it comes from a few places, one being a black woman. So, being black and being a woman, I think that it’s almost was impressed in my DNA, because my ancestors were enslaved in the United States, and I think that there’s a certain level of sacrifice that was learned in their experience and their journey down to my great great grandfather, who is the son of sharecroppers.

 

Tonya Rapley: So I think it was inherited to an extent, but then also continued to be impressed upon me, based on the life experiences that I was, I would say, pursuing, based on a limitation on my own self.

 

Tonya Rapley: And so it was like, okay, well, we’re stuck here, or we’re barely going to get above where the generation before us has gotten so let’s just make the world a better place while we’re here. So I think it came from that. I think it came from not seeing different examples. My mother and father, they have done really well for themselves, but they’re career military so they couldn’t understand what it was like for someone who was in the civilian world. And all their friends were either former military or kind of trying to figure out how to make that transition into civilian life.

 

Tonya Rapley: So I never saw someone who wasn’t a victim of their circumstances, or–I won’t say I never did, because I did have an aunt who owned her own company, and she served as a significant inspiration to me. But it was very rare that I saw examples of people who weren’t martyrs to their life experiences, and who were owning their life experience instead of letting life happen to them.

 

Hilary Hendershott: When you broke free from the martyr mindset, how did your family–there must have been people around you who were sort of enrolled in that mindset. Did anyone have a negative reaction to that?

 

Tonya Rapley: Not as much as one would think. I mean, I think there was concern.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Oh, yeah.

 

Tonya Rapley: All my mother wanted me to do was to get a good government job. And so when I didn’t decide to go that path it was like, Are you sure? Are you sure? But it got to a point where I started building my business that I realized like, okay, they have not seen this before, so I have to show them what this looks like.

 

Tonya Rapley: And I started building my business, and my business started becoming more successful. And it got to a point where I started to demonstrate to my parents what was possible when you believe in yourself. And I would start to demonstrate to others around me, this is what happens when you believe in yourself and go for it.

 

Tonya Rapley: And so one of my final conversations, when I was resigning from my job in 2015 to do My Fab Finance full time, I remember calling my mom, and I’m ready to quit my job. And I’m fully expecting her to be like, “No, try to do both. Keep your good job.” And my mom was like, do it.

 

Tonya Rapley: And at that point I knew she had, like she was converted at this point.

 

Hilary Hendershott: You had onboarded her. Yes.

 

Tonya Rapley: Yes, into believing.

 

Tonya Rapley: And she was like, “Do it. You have a Master’s degree, you have all this experience, do it.”

 

Tonya Rapley: And she was like, “You know, if it doesn’t work out, you can go back.”

 

Tonya Rapley: Which is so funny, based on where I am right now, because I did it, and I successfully operated my business for nine years full time, and decided it was time for me to go back. And I remembered, she said, if it doesn’t work you can go back. But now I go back with all this belief in myself, all this power. And I go back in a very different position than where I was in 2015. So it’s an interesting journey.

 

Hilary Hendershott: How amazing. I see you kind of breaking free from the chains of the past and standing on your own. It’s a really inspiring story to have done that with really no role model. One of the things that you talk about is embracing a beginner’s mindset. And you also talk about using the beginner’s mindset to heal as you age. Share with my listeners a little bit about how you think about that.

 

Tonya Rapley: So I look at the beginner’s mindset as just like humility and understanding that everybody has to start somewhere.

 

Tonya Rapley: Especially as someone who does not like to not be good at what they do. I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist, because I’m not. But I would say I don’t like to not be good at things.

 

Tonya Rapley: And that can prevent you from even beginning. Everyone starts somewhere, everyone starts somewhere. But I think it’s important to remind yourself with every level of success, that the beginner’s mindset is not something that you escape or the need to have that escapes because you’ve reached a certain amount of success. Because we’re always going to be doing new things.

 

Tonya Rapley: Whether it’s becoming a new mother, whether it is now like golf. Golf is something that I appreciate, because it has put me back in the position of having the courage to start and be a beginner and remind myself everyone started somewhere. So just get out there and suck until you’re good. And so that is the mindset.

 

Tonya Rapley: It’s just like everyone starts somewhere, and everyone was a beginner at one time, and don’t allow being a beginner or the fear of being a beginner prevent you from starting.

 

Tonya Rapley: Because if you don’t start, then you’ll never become good. You’re not just gonna wake up and be like, Oh, yeah, like, “I’m like a LPGA player.” It doesn’t happen like that. You have to get your reps in.

 

Tonya Rapley: And so that mindset really is like, “Hey, Tonya, like everybody, starts somewhere. It’s your time to start something new.”

 

Hilary Hendershott: Well, let’s talk about golf because you post a lot about golf. How did that come to be in your life?

 

Tonya Rapley: Yeah. So one of the things that I’ve been intentional about as we spoke about is– like growing up, I didn’t feel like I had a lot of figures, or guidance, as far as what I wanted to do in my career, or how I could grow; the steps I could take.

 

Tonya Rapley: So using what I learned in my career, I’ve been more intentional about reaching out to mentors. I call it my personal board of directors; getting people on board like, “I really like what you’ve done with your career. I see some of myself in you and my journey, and I would love to learn from you.” And one of my board of director members mentioned like, “Hey, you should learn to play golf.” And this was last year, and I met them in August, and they said, “You should learn to play golf.”

 

Hilary Hendershott: In August of this year?

 

Tonya Rapley: August of 2023. Yeah, August of last year, they were like, “You should learn to play golf.” And so I was like, “You know what? I’m going to.” If my mentor said I should learn, like I at least I’m going to get out there. I enrolled in a three-weekend clinic for women. And I was like, “Wow, I really like this sport.” But I also have a personality where I can like things and get really into it and then walk away from it. So I bought the basic clubs I need from the Goodwill, because it’s an expensive game. 

 

Hilary Hendershott: Good for you.

 

Tonya Rapley: To see, if we’re going to stick with it. And before I knew it I was literally out there like every day that I didn’t have work or calls, or have my son. I was out there playing. And now here I am like I spent the entire winter last year working with a golf instructor, played in two tournaments, have played out of state, completely upgraded my golf bag. But it really was based on a mentor suggesting that.

 

Tonya Rapley: And one of the things I’ve loved about golf. Well, two things I loved about golf is that it has positioned me to be a beginner again, and to humble myself and learn something new. As an entrepreneur or someone just with a busy mind, I love that when I’m out there it’s just me trying to beat the course, and beat myself and be as accurate as possible while having a good time. But then also it’s such a conversation starter.

 

Tonya Rapley: I’m on two boards and on one of the boards, they have a golf tournament. I joined the golf committee for that. I’m able to build relationships with other people because of that. When I’m at networking events, like, if someone has something golf related, or they mention a tee time–I was just talking to someone last night, and he was saying, him and his daughter play golf and boom, now we’re building rapport.

 

Tonya Rapley: So I love what it’s provided, as far as networking opportunities as well, because it’s kind of its own little community, and if you love it, you love it.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Well, I know, if I swing at a golf ball, I don’t hit it, so, talk about beginner’s mindset. It is really humbling.

 

Tonya Rapley: It’s humbling. It’s– even when you’ve been swinging for a while. It is humbling. But, I fell in love with it.

 

Hilary Hendershott: That’s amazing. I’m super curious about this board of directors. Do you mind if I ask, what are the areas of life where you have a board of directors in, or a mentor in?

 

Tonya Rapley: So this is more so like my professional career, but just different elements of my professional career. So one of the women was a single mother as she transitioned her career, which is where I’m at; a newly single mother, and transitioning my career. So I was like I would love to find out how you’ve been able to move and position yourself. And now she is like the chairman of a board for a privately traded company, and she’s just killing it.

 

Tonya Rapley: So I was like, I need a woman who understands what it is to make moves as a mother and still go after everything she wants. Another friend of mine is like a personal development junkie. He has a book for everything, and he’s also that person–

 

Tonya Rapley: Because he’s such a personal development junkie, he creates space for my humanness along this journey. So I call him, and we talk about personal things that I’m going through; things that I might be ashamed to talk about other people with, but he understands the nuances of the human experience and someone who’s striving to be their best self.

 

Tonya Rapley: So that’s what his role is on my board of directors. And then other people, if there are career decisions that I’m deciding like is this best for me, or like, how do I break into this network? Or how should I handle this? You know, the other day I had an email that I received, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. Reach out to my personal board of directors.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Oh, I need one of those.

 

Tonya Rapley: Like, “Hey, can we hop on the phone really quick? I wanted to run something by you.” And so for me, it more so is professional, but it does intersect professional and personal, so that I can make sure that I’m showing up as the woman that I am striving to become in my personal settings. But also being held accountable, also having people celebrate, like the woman who I mentioned with my new role that I accepted, we’re going out to celebrate next week.

 

Tonya Rapley: It’s been a beautiful thing, because I think that, especially as entrepreneurs, we do so much alone and as like high achieving individuals, there’s so much that we do alone, that we always have to be seeking people who are like those steps above us to give us feedback, give us insight, and really champion us.

 

Hilary Hendershott: I can see this theme of embracing the beginner’s mindset weaving its way throughout your life. It takes something to ask someone to be your mentor in an area of life. It’s humble, and you’re asking for their time, which, of course, is valuable. So I can kind of get that it takes the courage to ask, but I hear you experiencing the rewards of having been brave.

 

Tonya Rapley: Yeah, I think it takes courage to ask.

 

Tonya Rapley: But I think that, you know, as entrepreneurs, or like people who are in the business of selling and everything else like we get used to making the ask, right, now I’m used to making the ask. I don’t know if Tonya, who was outreach strategist at a nonprofit was as comfortable making the ask. But Tonya who ran a multimillion dollar company for nine years is comfortable making the ask, you know.

 

Tonya Rapley: I’ve just learned, you gotta ask. You gotta ask. And the worst thing someone could say is, no, this doesn’t make sense for me right now. I’m completely honored. I don’t necessarily have the time. But I make it easy for them. It’s not like we have meetings every week, or every month, or anything.

 

Tonya Rapley: It literally is like, “Hey, there are going to be times where I have to make decisions, or you know I would love to find out more about your journey and have conversations with you. Would you be open to supporting me in that way?” And it’s such a low ask of them that most people are like, “Yeah, absolutely.” Because a lot of times, if you’re a self starter, you don’t need people to give you the roadmap. You just might need a conversation and touch points along the way.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Right. Well, I hope those of you listening are taking notes because Tonya just gave you an amazing script to make an ask that’s easy to say yes to.

 

Hilary Hendershott: And everything she just said is why Ask is one whole step of the 7 Steps to Wealth. So thank you. I couldn’t have given you that script better. I appreciate that. Let’s go back a few minutes. You mentioned you just became a single mom. What’s that been like?

 

Tonya Rapley: Yeah. So me and my ex-husband separated in January of 2022. And it’s just been a transition ongoing.

 

Tonya Rapley: One of the things I’m very transparent about with my audience–even as a financial educator, I make mistakes. Even as someone who knows what to do with money and everything. I make mistakes. And one of the biggest mistakes I think that I made was just like not adjusting my lifestyle for the change that was about to happen. So my expenses were still relatively high when I separated from my ex-husband. Still had a live-in nanny I was paying full time, had two houses, because one was a rental property I was renovating, and had two vehicles.

 

Tonya Rapley: And I kept my expenses really high, and as a result it created more and more stress and strain on me before I was like, oh, you have to let these things go. But I realized that there was an ego component to the divorce where I wasn’t willing to let things go because I was like–

 

Tonya Rapley: The divorce wasn’t entirely like, prompted by me necessarily, so it’s like my marriage has already ended. He’s taken away my vision of a family. I’m not allowing this person to take these things from me, too, that I worked so hard for. Realizing that actually I was taking away from myself, not being willing to let go of those things. And so it was like, it’s been a process of releasing and accepting how life has changed as a result. And I would say it took me about two years to come to acceptance and not resentment over how life has changed.

 

Tonya Rapley: And what I will say is when I arrived at acceptance is when I was able to make the best decisions. Once I accepted, this is what is happening, and things need to change as a result, I’ve been able to make the best decisions from that space. But I think when I was in the space of ego where like, I’m not going to let that do this, and I’m not going to let that do this, and I’m not going to let this happen, I didn’t make the best decisions.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Wow.

 

Tonya Rapley: It’s taught me a lot about release and acceptance. And it is vastly different having a two-income household than a single income household.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Mmhmm.

 

Tonya Rapley: Especially when you have a child that you care for, because I think, as a mother, you’re always thinking about, how can I give my child the best opportunities possible?

 

Tonya Rapley: And you don’t have the freedom and flexibility–as someone who just got divorced who don’t have kids so you can move to Costa Rica till you figure it out like, no, my son is four, he needs to be around his dad. So I’m kind of stationary here, and I have to figure out how to make things work based on where we are.

 

Hilary Hendershott: So you probably don’t still have the full-time nanny. How do you do childcare now?

 

Tonya Rapley: Now he’s in school. So we transitioned him from a full-time nanny, into private school until he was eligible to go to a charter kindergarten. And even that, you know, we were still paying college tuition basically, for a pre-k.

 

Tonya Rapley: But it was significantly less than the nanny. But it was gradual. It was like, okay, we’re going to do this. And then we’re going to phase into this. And we’re going to phase into putting him into as good a school as possible. So yeah, we definitely phased that out. And now he’s in school, and then he has aftercare.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Any words of wisdom for women who might be going through a divorce? Any financial lessons you learned that you want to share? You said that you didn’t downsize your lifestyle. But anything about the financial agreement?

 

Tonya Rapley: I would say two things: Don’t make any major decisions until you talk to an attorney. But then also understand that attorneys want to make money.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Attorneys do make money!

 

Tonya Rapley: Yes, and the more complicated things become, the more money they make. So keep that in mind. At one point, I was talking to an attorney, and I felt that I was going to be entitled to alimony and all these other things she was like, actually not in your state. We’re going to put all your retirement savings and everything into a pot, and you’ll split it down the middle.

 

Tonya Rapley: And I was like, “Oh, no, let’s just go ahead and wrap this up like. Like no, we’re not going to do that. I’m not giving him anything.” So no, absolutely not. So, I learned the importance of talking to someone and understanding the laws, and what each party is legally entitled to.

 

Tonya Rapley: And also understanding that they will complicate things. Because then I had the attorney come in and try to complicate things and find all these issues and everything. Our divorce would have cost a massive amount of money if we would have went with her, and we didn’t go that route–we were able to resolve things ourselves.

 

Tonya Rapley: So I would say that, but then also be willing to release, be willing to downsize.

 

Tonya Rapley: Everything comes back to you eventually. And if you did it once, you can do it again. So be willing to release and downsize so that you can be as financially comfortable as possible.

 

Tonya Rapley: And then, when it is time, you can rebuild. For me, it was selling my houses. We sold the marital house. I sold the rental property. Me and my son moved into an apartment that I really enjoyed, but it allowed me to no longer have to worry about the variable costs that come with homeownership. I was able to simplify my monthly overhead in a way that gives me so much more comfort, and allows me to be so much more present and less stressed with my son. And for me that is more important than the appearance of keeping my home that I had.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Yeah. Just want to acknowledge the theme of acceptance and surrender that you’re communicating in this conversation. I’m really hearing that. 

 

Hilary Hendershott: You say you can’t buy transformation. You have to earn it. Who tries to buy transformation. And how do you earn it?

 

Tonya Rapley: I think that people will go to like retreats, and they’ll do all these experiences, and they don’t realize that they’re being performative. Just because you’re there doesn’t mean you’re processing, or internalizing an experience.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Oh.

 

Tonya Rapley: And so just because you are spending money to be in a space or work with a therapist, for example. If you’re not embodying the work that you and your therapist are doing, and you’re not implementing the tools. Then you’re literally just paying for a transformation, but not being a part of the transformation. So that is what I mean is, there is a difference between paying for something, being in a space, and actually being intentional about embodying and checking in with yourself.

 

Tonya Rapley: Am I embodying these principles that I seek to implement in my life and these changes that I seek to make?

 

Tonya Rapley: I think that there’s a lot of people like, “Oh, I paid for this. And I did this. And I’m going to this.” And it’s like, okay, but who are you as a result of it?

 

Tonya Rapley: Not what did you learn, but who are you as a result of that experience? My gosh, healing is such an ongoing journey. It’s literally an onion. Right now, I’m working on reprogramming my subconscious mind, and I would have never thought about doing this six years ago. And now here I am. I’m like this is really deep rewiring work.

 

Tonya Rapley: It is an ongoing process, and I don’t think I ever would have arrived at understanding how my subconscious is really driving the engine without being curious about–okay, talk therapy has been great, and going to this event has been great, and going to sound bowl experiences has been great, and it feels good. But there’s still something that is powering my subconscious that I want to work on. But I had to go through all those things to understand that it’s deeper than the surface level things.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Hmm. What tools are you using to rewire your subconscious mind?

 

Tonya Rapley: Yeah, it’s actually easier than a lot of people would assume. I had to get in touch with what my core wounds were. We all have core wounds from our childhood, and even from our young adulthood that we carry with us that drive how we make decisions, the relationships we enter, the opportunities that we go after. And so I use this process of understanding what my core wounds were.

 

Tonya Rapley: Which is kind of just asking questions about decisions you made. But why? But why? But why? But why? Continuing to ask myself, but why did you do that? And why did you do that? And why did you feel that way? Asking why until it gets like, oh, because I felt unworthy at the end of the day.

 

Tonya Rapley: And then from there I record 10 examples of ways that I am innately worthy, or I’ve demonstrated that I’m worthy, or remind me that I am worthy, like life experiences. I record them to a voice note on my phone, and now I listen to them every morning.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Oh, wow!

 

Tonya Rapley: All 10 of them. I listen to them every morning and every night, and between each example I say “I am worthy.” After every example, “I am worthy.” And yes, and still I am worthy, and I do that in the morning and night, before and after my meditations, just when my mind is like in that state.

 

Tonya Rapley: And I’m on day 10 now. They say it’s a 21-day process. So I’m working on rewiring for one core wound right now.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Talk about embodying the principles. Wow! That was amazing. Thank you. I’m glad I asked.

 

Tonya Rapley: You’re welcome!

 

Hilary Hendershott: And then a few minutes ago, you mentioned you’re going to go to dinner with one of your mentors to celebrate the position you just accepted. Are you going back to work?

 

Tonya Rapley: I am, I am. And I had to really divorce my ego around that because entrepreneurship, it kind of becomes a cult, like once you drink that Kool-Aid you are in it.

 

Tonya Rapley: And I felt like I was a failure. I felt like I was giving up on myself. I felt like, you know, what would my peers think? What would my audience think? Because I’ve been an entrepreneur for so long. And I just realized, like Tonya, there are so many ways to accomplish your goals, and you deserve to give your nervous system a break.

 

Tonya Rapley: Because, as much as I love entrepreneurship and as much as the opportunities were coming in, there still is like that what if? You know you have those what ifs, or invoices are taking too long to clear, or deals aren’t coming in as frequently, and I wanted to give myself a break for my nervous system.

 

Tonya Rapley: And not just a break. I wanted to give myself an opportunity to contribute to someone else’s vision and to work in a different way and to create impact in a different way. But I was very intentional about the company that I found. It’s actually an amazing role. And I’ll be working and supporting entrepreneurs within this role and leveraging my strengths that I developed as a business owner in it. And they allow me to operate my business.

 

Tonya Rapley: So now it’s like, okay, I have this solid revenue stream over here, and I still have my business and am able to generate income with my business and still pay my team with the business income and everything. So for me it’s a win-win. It’s like a new baseline, and it’s great to have a paycheck that I’m not paying.

 

Tonya Rapley: Literally as an entrepreneur, you’re watching money leave one account and going into the next. It’s like, it’s all my money at the end of the day.

 

Hilary Hendershott: I know.

 

Tonya Rapley: So it’s great to not see something go down on one side to go up on the other side.

 

Hilary Hendershott: I know. Sometimes I look at my payroll every two weeks, and I think, what am I doing? So you’re gonna continue offering your educational tools.

 

Tonya Rapley: Yes, My Fab Finance will still be around. We still have offerings. I’m pulling back from things like 1:1 coaching for the first six months of my new role so that I can make sure I’m giving everything I need to that role. We’ll still take brand partnerships, and do work with brands, and consulting with brands and everything else. I’ll still do speaking engagements. I love the speaking engagement elements of the business, and I can still do it within my role, because it’s 100% remote. And there’s a lot of flexibility with it. So there are certain elements that I will still keep.

 

Tonya Rapley: I also accepted a position to launch a financial literacy certificate for a college. And so I’ll be working on that as well. I’m still doing things within the space. But now I’m just shifting gears a little bit.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Yeah, congratulations. I’m sure it’ll feel great to have that paycheck. Your social media is so wide ranging. You talk about so many things. You talk about golf, you talk about media, you talk about your personal values, you talk about transformation. Is there an organizing mission or vision that you have that sort of coalesces all of that?

 

Tonya Rapley: I would say change agent. I would say change agent. And my goal is to help people live lives they’ve always dreamed of.

 

Tonya Rapley: I think that in order to do that it is financial, it is spiritual, it is physical. It’s all of those elements. So that’s why I talk about it. And I mean for me, the life that I’ve always dreamed of, it is the physical. It’s the way I generate income. It’s the way I create impact. It’s the way that I parent. It is the way that I heal and learn about myself. So yeah, that’s why I talk about all those elements.

 

Hilary Hendershott: I understand. And would you share with my audience what you’re offering under You, Inc?

 

Tonya Rapley: Yeah, so one of the things that has been the most transformational about my journey as a financial educator is realizing the difference between being an influencer and a subject matter expert. So what I’ve been able to effectively do is position myself as a subject matter expert. Where an influencer–we still monetize our content as subject matter experts–but the relationships that I have with brands are based on my expertise and not necessarily on my following, or how public or how consistent I am on social media. And I learned that during the years I was processing the grief from my divorce, because I was still able to generate $600,000 in my business that year, and I might have worked like maybe six months because I was going through that grief.

 

Tonya Rapley: And even now, so many opportunities come to me because I position myself as a subject matter expert. So in You, Inc., I teach people about the art of getting paid to be yourself for a living. It is getting paid for your expertise, your knowledge, and your brilliance. It’s a mini podcast because one thing I learned about myself is, I don’t like ongoing projects.

 

Tonya Rapley: So I was like, we could do this short, eight episode podcast series on this, it’s literally like an audio masterclass that people can take with them. And I put it behind a paywall because it really is a masterclass and I’m not doing like upsells or anything in it. So like there really is no strategy other than I’m teaching you how to do this.

 

Tonya Rapley: But yes, You Inc. is all about how to get paid to be yourself for a living, from establishing your niche to understanding how to create content to negotiating rates, marketing yourself.

 

Tonya Rapley: And even the legal considerations of being a subject matter expert. So it’s for the people who they’re like, I’m brilliant. I know what I’m talking about. I should be at the forefront of my field, or I should be one of the people who people think about when they think about my field, but I’m not. How do I do this and stand out from the pack and get paid to do it? That’s who You, Inc. is for.

 

Hilary Hendershott: What’s your favorite, most lucrative way to get paid based on your expertise?

 

Tonya Rapley: Oh!

 

Hilary Hendershott: You mentioned brand partnerships? Is it that?

 

Tonya Rapley: I would say, speaking.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Really.

 

Tonya Rapley: Funny because I don’t consider myself a motivational speaker. I am not a motivational speaker. But I am a conversationalist. I love a good fireside chat. I love teaching a good workshop, and just having banter back and forth with the audience.

 

Tonya Rapley: But I really do love teaching, because I know that I am a people person. And so I’m able to interact with people and kind of see, like those light bulb moments and watch people and build relationships with people. I love establishing relationships, whether it’s with my audience or someone else’s audience and just watching their journey.

 

Tonya Rapley: Because that’s one of the beautiful things for me, like I sign off on my emails, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. Because if you’re listening to me, if you’re subscribed to my newsletter like you’re allowing me to be a part of your journey.

 

Tonya Rapley: And when I’m able to speak I become a tangible part of someone’s journey, and I just love when people will send me messages on social media like years later, like “I was in your workshop. And this is what I did, and so and so and so,” or just keep me updated. So I would say, speaking is my favorite part.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Amazing. Well, this has been illuminating and inspiring. Thank you so much. I am going to throw at you my signature question. If your money were writing you a love note, what would it be thanking you or complimenting you for?

 

Tonya Rapley: I would say my money would complement me for the willingness to be flexible, and adjust.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Hmm.

 

Tonya Rapley: I would say that. I think, like I said, a lot of our decisions can be driven by our ego. But I’m willing to adjust where necessary, whether it’s going back to the workforce, whether it’s adjusting my contributions to my IRA, whether it is…

 

Tonya Rapley: We’re gonna take our son out of this expensive private school. We’re going to downsize for a little bit, or life has changed, like let’s do this, let’s pour into ourselves. Let’s maximize these accounts. Let’s maximize this. Let’s pay all these things off. I’m willing to be flexible, and my flexibility allows me to be responsible with money, so I would say, that’s what it would thank me for.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Well, you’ve certainly exemplified that throughout this conversation. Yeah, I mean, I think listeners can definitely hear that you are flexible and willing to adjust, and that has worked so. Thank you so much for this conversation. And where can people find you?

 

Tonya Rapley: Thank you. So You, Inc. Podcast is youincpodcast.com.

 

Tonya Rapley: I’m always on Threads. Tonya, T-O-N-Y-A dot Rapley. And I’m kind of on Instagram. I’ll probably be on there a little less, but Threads, Linkedin, Tonya, T-O-N-YA Rapley. I’m really pretty active on Linkedin and Threads these days.

 

Hilary Hendershott: Okay, we’ll link to both those places in the show notes for today’s episode. Thank you for being here.

 

Tonya Rapley: Thank you so much.

Disclaimer

Hendershott Wealth Management, LLC and Love, your Money do not make specific investment recommendations on Love, your Money or in any public media. Any specific mentions of funds or investments are strictly for illustrative purposes only and should not be taken as investment advice or acted upon by individual investors. The opinions expressed in this episode are those of Hilary Hendershott, CFP®, MBA.

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